Fine Dining! (with Plasterbrain & Shulk from Monado Sword Chronicles)
by Nekkowe
Summary: I did a You x Shulk exchange with my American friend Plasterbrain! This is she story I wrote, it is very steamy. Probably required reading/listening: ask[dot]plasterbrain[dot]com/post/134638567291
1. Chapter 1: Rule Thirty-Snore!

"I took her home and stayed with her till I fell asleep my-self, aaaaall snuggled up against her! Theeee end!"

Deeply exhausted from that rollercoaster ride of emotions, Plasterbrain let loose a sigh and turned off the recording.

She'd share it with the outside world later, to gather at least some inkling of payoff from the ordeal, but satisfied she was not.

That was it. That was all she could find.

The internet's infinite, ever-expanding reserve of puberty-driven amateur erotica at her fingertips, and not a single instance of ShulkXReader smut that met her standards. Aside from how messed up it was to dig for self-inserts featuring her direct neighbour, you'd think _someone_ would be her unknowing accomplice through time.

Plaster slumped back into her chair in resignation.

She scowled at her increasingly soggy cereal, frustrated by the lack of luscious, golden locks in her diet.

Her thirst could never be quenched by these flakes alone.

Someone knocked on her dorm room room door.

Since it was literally midnight, the odds of any well-adjusted human being standing in front were slim.

It didn't narrow down the suspect list too much. A solid share of the Smash Roster consisted of mandudes brought into existence as full adults, lacking any upbringing, manners, common sense or indoor voice (and sometimes voice in general).

Most of the rest were abominable flesh-beings, some vaguely resembling happily spray-painted animals.

Their big googly-eyes and mascot charm had saved them from being put to the torch, but Kirby was generally not allowed out.

Plasterbrain shambled over to the entrance and ducked down to peer through the door spyhole, two hands from the floor.

Her heart skipped a beat. SHE KNEW THOSE BOOTS.


	2. Captain 2: Action Scene!

"SHULK?", she yelled, yanking the door open.

"FIORAAAAAAAAA!", he yelled, painful memories triggered.

Before she could react, the loud object of her silent affection stood in her room, poised to exact revenge on the nearest technological object. Plaster's eyes widened in horror as she realised what still held claim to most of the screen.

Shulk, who had not seen a computer before, quickly dismissed it as a novelty lamp with slim chance of having killed his friend.

"Blimey. Blasterpain, was it?"

"Plas-"

"Why're you having cereal for dinner? Yuck, they look like fish fla-"

"Why're you here at midnight."

Shulk blinked. He produced a large head of broccoli from his impractically pocketless pants.

"Ah gotta have my veggies", he mumbled.

Two carrots. Plasterbrain thought she spotted an excited glint in his eye, and fought off thoughts of Shulk's other trouser-more.

He continued. "The gas is out in my room. The doc said I'm not allowed near open flames anymore. Can I use your kitchen?"

(if you don't like or can't have your veggies just put in a different dessert)


	3. Ramsay 3: It's Fookin' Raw!

Plaster quickly discovered that unlike herself (stemming from an unfortunate accident involving Mr. Game & Watch and a fair lot of morbid curiousity), Shulk still had intact knife privileges. They really were meant for each other from the start, she mused.

Shulk's firm prettyboy hands grasped his trusted Monado sword™ and lifted it up high, producing an audible *thck* as it dented the ceiling.

"LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE, BLABERTRAIN!", he screamed at the top of his lungs, psyching himself up for mortal combat with the pokerfaced ex-plants. "THIS IS THE MONADO'S POWER!" (A world-weary "that's _disgusting_ ", muffled through the wall, announced Marth being robbed of both his sleep and his appetite.)

Some several nasty gashes into the table, very liberal applications of the five-second rule, a 100% evasion rate on the vegetables' part and a discovery that the gas is off after hours later, the pair settled on just chomping down the carrots as they were. Plaster grabbed one and sat down on what remained of the table. She found her eyes drawn to the muscles on her partner-in-crime's back, shifting around as he unsuccessfully tried to stuff the broccoli back into his non-existent pockets.

Finding that he did not have a good rhythm going, Shulk ditched his veggies (a defiance of her official stance on eating your veggies she was willing to let slide, just this once) on the floor somewhere and took to looking for where his sword™ went.

He turned towards her. His delicate face, still faintly glistening with sweat from the assault-on-table, contorted to a pout.

Something had to be done.

"You don't have any pockets!", Plaster blurted out.

"I know!"

A tear rolled across his face.

"You don't know what it's like, Pesterfane. It's this or the swimming trunks. Forever. Even in the shower. T-Rating, see?"

Plasterbrain smirked. What this oblivious hunk of man-meat needed was an adult. She was an adult.

"Want me to help you out o- help you out with that?"

Shulk froze up.

"If you're really feeling what I mean."

The Monado Boy's cheeks turned a stunning shade of red, as if it were his sword™ wielding him instead, optimized (by mashing the B button five times) for maximum knockback effect.

Plaster found herself duly knocked back. On a hunch, her eyes darted south.

Sure enough, Shulk was visibly under the influence of his khopesh.

She licked her lips. MOTHER WOULD NEVER KNOW.


	4. Regret 4: Epilogue!

Early morning light began to sneak in through cracks between the curtains of Plasterbrain's room.

"Monado Spoon!", Shulk whispered at the top of his lungs, his trusty sword™ lying discarded in a pile among their duds.

Outside, hallway monitor Falcon struggled internally between hanky-panky prevention duty and empathetic approval.

Marth's application for switching rooms with Kirby (no ears, you see) did not survive the bureaucracy.

PlasterShulk lived too happily ever after to care about their all-out kitchen ban.

Theeee end.


End file.
